The Day My Father-in-Law Fell… and Proved Me Right
From forgetfulness to full-blown dementia: how early action at the MCI stage can change the story.
After years as a senior living sales specialist, I thought I’d built up immunity to the emotional side of it. I’d seen it all: the frantic middle-of-the-night move-ins, the family disagreements, the tears, the sighs of relief. I knew the statistics: how often Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) quietly progresses into full-blown dementia, how quickly someone’s independence can slip away without the right support, and how specialized early-stage memory programs can slow that decline.
So when my father-in-law started showing signs of MCI, my professional brain instantly clocked it. First, a missed lunch date. Then a bill unpaid. Then the wallet “theft”, which was resolved when we found it under the sports section of yesterday’s paper.
MCI is that frustrating middle ground. You know something’s changing, but it’s not dramatic enough to convince the person (or sometimes the rest of the family) that it’s time to make a move. In my job, I’d watched this exact stage go two ways:
The “we’ll wait and see” route, where small slips become big emergencies, and the next move is straight into secured memory care.
The proactive route, moving into a community with a specialized MCI program, giving people structure, stimulation, and socialization to help keep their skills sharp.
I’ll never forget one family who chose the first route. Their mother was in MCI but insisted on living alone. She was “fine”, until she wasn’t. A stove left on, a fall that went unnoticed for half a day, and suddenly she needed 24/7 secured care. They were left wondering if things could have been different had she gotten early support. I’ve seen that story play out more times than I can count.
Guess which route I wanted for my father-in-law?
But here’s the reality. Convincing someone to make that move before a crisis is like convincing a teenager that sunscreen is cool. I tried every trick I’d taught other families for years: planting seeds, focusing on the positives, avoiding scary language, and making it feel like his choice. I pictured him joining a brain fitness class, playing cards with friends, eating better than he did at home, and (bonus) giving the rest of us a little peace of mind.
And then the crisis came anyway.
He fell in his apartment, broke his femur, and spent hours on the floor before anyone found him. Suddenly, there were no more “maybe laters” or “I’m fine” speeches. After the hospital and rehab, even he knew there was no going back to living alone.
When he moved into assisted living, it wasn’t on the timeline I’d hoped for, but the outcome was exactly what I’d been pushing for all along. And here’s the part that still makes me smile: he thrived. His moments of confusion became less frequent. He was eating balanced meals (that didn’t come out of the microwave). He was engaged in conversations, laughing with new friends, and participating in activities that stretched his mind instead of just passing time.
I’d been telling families for years that the right community, especially one with a strong MCI program, can extend independence, slow decline, and give someone a better quality of life. Watching it happen in my own family didn’t just prove me right. It reminded me why I believe in this so strongly.
If there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s that MCI is the window when you can still shape what the future looks like. Use it well, and you might not just delay the hard days. You might create more of the good ones.
About the Author
Shari Ross is a Senior Living Sales Specialist with over a decade of experience guiding families through the challenges of assisted living and memory care transitions. Drawing on her professional expertise and personal family experiences with dementia, she offers compassionate, practical advice to help others navigate this journey with clarity and confidence. She is the author of Senior Living Made S.I.M.P.L.E.: A Real-World Guide to Navigate Care for Your Loved One.
